Beading Bipolar

More new cabs

2012-01-10T15:33:00.002-06:00

Only allowed to upload 5 at a time on here, but here's the latest ones. I was in a car accident on the 30th of November and it's screwed up my shoulder and so can only photograph a couple of cabs at a time.

New cabs up

2012-01-10T15:32:00.002-06:00

New cabs available

2011-12-19T19:15:00.000-06:00

I've been adding a bit more depth to the cabs with more dichro...

http://vampsart.com/cabs6.htm

Promoting self-help

2011-12-11T11:23:00.002-06:00

I've deleted and added the promotional ads about 'self help' as spam. I don't mind talking with like minded people, those suffering from bipolar and such, but I don't want ads on my blog. If you seriously want to 'talk' with me about it, then email me, don't use MY blog as your advertisement.

New Pendant

2011-12-11T10:42:00.003-06:00

This is a piece I had originally flubbed up. It was to be a pendant with a hole in the top, but I forgot to put the fiber in before fire polishing them. I have two more similar in mistakes. But I still like them a lot :)

New pages up

2011-12-04T11:40:00.001-06:00

Got new cabs done as well as focals.

http://www.vampsart.com/cabs4.htm
http://www.vampsart.com/cabs5.htm

New necklace

2011-12-01T19:05:00.003-06:00

I'm just so in love with radium glass. This picture is blah in comparison to the real thing.

Taxes

2011-11-21T06:07:00.001-06:00

Marilee, that was something I hadn't thought about... I guess I'll be giving refunds to those who don't live in Texas!

Focals

2011-11-20T12:01:00.000-06:00

Yep, got another page up. Just a few at a time :)

http://www.vampsart.com/cabs3.htm

Teardrops

2011-11-19T12:48:00.002-06:00

I ground down a handful of cabs in the shape of tear drops and I only have a few left of each.

http://www.vampsart.com/cabs2.htm

New cabs

2011-11-19T05:51:00.002-06:00

I just posted a new page of cabs. I'll be adding cabs every couple of days so I'm not so overwhelmed :)

Someone younger

2011-11-16T04:55:00.002-06:00

That's a great idea, Marilee. (still can't post replies as Google hasn't FIXED IT YET) aaaargh.

I know that a large part of my problem is my weight. I'm 41 and had to use an electric cart to go grocery shopping, 3 weeks ago. I lived my nightmare at just 41. That's when I decided no more soda's and no more eating binges (have food addiction). I still have treats, but that's all they are. I know I'm losing weight because my jeans are getting looser and my knees are almost back to normal. Ankles still look broken.

Stress

2011-11-15T12:15:00.003-06:00

I guess I'm still stressed out. I just counted out the money and added up all the credit card charges, then went on to subtract the cost of the table.... twice. As hubby said, that's not something wrong with the math, that's common sense. Yeah, well my common sense hasn't been working right for a few weeks.

I drove myself to my therapist last week and forgot where I was to get off the highway. I knew I had gone too far, but turning around, I still couldn't figure out where I was supposed to go. I told my therapist about it and she said it's stress related. It doesn't explain why all of a sudden I've got energy and the next moment I'm slurring and can't find the words as I'm talking to Mom on the phone. I went to bed immediately and just passed out until 4:45 the next morning. I'd like to say it's only happening while the show went on, but truth is, Frank and I are so darned tired and hurt so much because of the show that it's making me wonder if I should do it again. I WANT to, but I'm beginning to think it's just too much for us.

Did I sell anything?

2011-11-14T05:32:00.002-06:00

Why, yes I did lol I sold almost double my table this time :) and then we spent it all. Frank found a company who was also sold vices and buffers and such and he bought me a mini vice with two diamond drill bits!! I had people continually ask me if I had any cabs that were drilled from front to back and I had to say no... I had some that had holes go from side to side, but they didn't want that. So, for the next couple of months I'll be updating my website for selling and taking pictures... many MANY pictures, of cabs.

It's OVER

2011-11-13T18:45:00.002-06:00

Frank and I are just wasted from this show. We're both in pain, both grouchy, and both ohhhhh so tired.

But have you heard of Meg Hannan? I had to buy a pair of her earrings for Mom. Then, today, I realized that looking at one brooch, it made me happy to look at it! Frank was very leery of spending any more money, but he did tell me so I went and got it! It's my happy pin!

If you think this is polymer clay, you're waaaaaaay off :)

Houston Bead Society Show

2011-11-13T07:39:00.003-06:00

This is a pic of my table and Frank. You see all those trays of dichro? I'm going to have to photograph each one and put them up online for sale. Insane.

Silence

2011-10-18T07:57:00.002-05:00

Someone wrote to me about one of my entries that said that the beads weren't 'speaking loudly to me' and it's been making me think.

I haven't beaded in over 3 months and it's not that they aren't speaking loudly to me, it's that they're not talking to me at all. I'm not sure what's silencing them for me... I've been off the antidepressants for almost 2 months now and that hasn't done anything to help. I even started to step off of the xanax, hoping that the calming effects of the meds would lighten up, but there's just nothing.

To be honest, there's nothing speaking to me. I'm working with glass because I need a lot of variety for the show next month, but that's been it. My depression was getting bad enough that I could see that 'abyss' again... that desire to just stay in bed and never wake up. That scared me enough to go back to the psychiatrist and I'm now on a mood stabilizer called Latuda. No anti-depression meds this time as we don't want back on that rollercoaster again, so this time we're trying a medication meant for schizophrenics (and no, I'm not). We're just trying to find some balance.

I did get either the motivation or mania to clean the bathroom floor yesterday. It had gotten bad enough that I was feeling ashamed of it and hit that point where if I didn't do something about it, I was going to just lose it. So now I have a pretty and clean floor! Today it's the toilet and that's the only thing I'm doing today, other than more glass. I'm breaking chores down and maybe if I do it that way, it won't be so overwhelming when I think of everything that needs to be done.

Another reason for not posting this past month or so is that I lost one of my uncles a few weeks ago and it's not been an easy task for my family in Ontario to deal with. Had I not seen and spoken with my uncle last summer, it wouldn't have hit me as hard as it did as I hadn't seen him in over 21 years. But, I'm glad I got to see and talk to him last year. I hadn't realized how much I had missed seeing him until that point and now I wait to see him again in the resurrection :)

B

2011-09-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Here are more cabs... all of these cabs and those in the previous post are 1in by 1.75 or so. The top one on the right corner and the middle one on the bottom are a little larger as I'm now trying two layers of dichro so I can get some depth in them. I love how they turned out :)

2011-09-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting because one of my uncles has just passed away. He'd been in the hospital, under sedation for the past 6 weeks and it's been a long ride for my family. On top of that, my mood swings have been abruptly changing, so I've been trying to pull myself out of it and get back to glass. These are what were fired yesturday.

Wigs

2011-08-08T11:19:00.001-05:00

I actually was thinking of something normal lol I want people to see her and be able to picture themselves wearing it... I couldn't picture myself wearing it if the model had green/blue hair lol

Then again, going through Ebay's anime wigs and stuff are way cool!

Mannequin

2011-08-06T13:27:00.002-05:00

Isn't she lovely? I'm calling her Carmen. She's going to be displaying my mermaid necklace at the Bead Show in November. Now, just need to get her some hair!

Beading again

2011-08-01T19:08:00.002-05:00

Figured out what I was doing wrong. I wanted to create a pattern with beads and that wasn't working. So, it popped into my head to mix all the greens together with a little bit of gold. Then I just started beading. When I got far enough, I started adding more gold tone beads... then it'll be browns moving into burgundies. I was inspired by Marcia DeCoster and the book 'Exquisite Beadweaving'. It's the first time in months that my beads are actually speaking to me.

I bought a new stone! and I can't remember where, but it's gorgeous! I haven't bought cabs in a while because I have so many, but this one took my breath away and at $30 for a 51mm stone isn't bad.

Not speaking loudly to me

2011-07-25T08:20:00.002-05:00

I have the colors arranged in what I'd like to make into a necklace, but the beads themselves haven't decided on which way to go. And it's driving me nuts. I WANT to bead... it's been too hot in the garage to go out there and play with glass, so I get to look at the beads and try to make sense of what they might be saying.

Can't remember if I posted this before, but I went off of Prozac cold-turkey about two and a half weeks ago and I'm now starting to feel the symptoms of the bipolar come back. I'm just waiting for the hypomania to come back. Right now I'm just plain teary eyed, anxious, etc. You may be wondering why I went off Prozac and am going to slowly wean myself off of the Xanax and Trazadone and all I've got to say is this: I'm not feeling any better ON the meds then when I was off. Yes, some of my quirks are coming back, but you know, I could do grocery shopping on my own when I was off the meds. I could go into large department stores and be able to handle getting what I wanted and leaving. Since being on the meds, my husband has been doing the grocery shopping. I also avoid large crowds now, whereas before the meds, I loved to go and see the Astro's play at Reliant Stadium. Not that I'd pay to see them at this point, but you get the idea.

Trying

2011-07-17T07:43:00.002-05:00

I really am trying to get back to beading, I really am. Since finishing the Egyptian collar, I thought I'd take a few days break and get back to beading. Well, the motivation is just not there. It's not there for making glass, either. I think, today, I'm just going to pull out some bead colors and just do it.

I've been taken off Prozac completely. I was taking 60mg a day, plus two other mild antidepressants and I just wasn't happy. In fact I was downright depressed for months. I'm tired of it and so I want to slowly wean myself off the medications and get back to my type of 'normal'. It's going to be painful, but to be productive again, I'm doing it.

Finished

2011-07-09T14:22:00.004-05:00

This is what I've been spending the past month working on. It's for a Bible drama, so it was quite a priviledge to be able to take part in it :)) For those who would like to use this pattern, its for sale on Varvara's site.

There!

2011-06-26T17:41:00.002-05:00

Now I don't have to have my blood tested for two weeks! We've finally got it at 3.2, so she's lowered my doseage to 4mg today and 4.5mg next week and see how I do. I am literally bruised all over my arms from where they've tried to get blood. Apparently I have very small veins so they turn me into a pincushion. So now I have two weeks to heal up so they can poke me again!

Still working on it

2011-06-20T20:34:00.003-05:00

I went in to the docs office for the blood tests and they frantically tried to get a hold of me afterwards. My blood levels have gone from 6.2 (I think) up to 7.8. For a blood level that's supposed to be between 2 and 3, I'm in a serious situation. The doc told me that if I fall or bang into anything, I'm to call 911 as there would probably be internal bleeding.

I've been off of the warfarin since Thursday and just started 5mg tonight. I go back to have blood drawn on Friday and see the doc. I'm still avoiding vitamin K products, so there's that to consider. We're also going to have to consider the fact that I'm no longer on Geodon and as of tonight, I've dropped from 80mg to 60mg in my Prozac, so it's going to take some tweaking and more painful stabs (I don't know how diabetics do it) before we get my blood under control.

Clarification

2011-06-08T19:06:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to clarify that I do not have Lupus. Lupus anticoagulant is something that was first found in Lupus patients and then mislabled as 'anticoagulant' :) Apparently you can have LA without having Lupus.

Warfarin

2011-06-06T21:12:00.002-05:00

Marilee, Blogger still won't let me respond via the comments. I was warned that I had to keep my vitamin K levels low. If I'm going to eat vitamin K (I have the Instant Breakfast) then I have to be consistent with it and have it every day around the same time.

Had my blood tested today at the doctors and it was at 4.02 which is waaaay too high. I'm to keep my blood between 2 and 3, so tonight I go without any warfarin and tomorrow I'm to cut it down to 7.5 from 10mg.

Hospital stay

2011-06-05T19:21:00.004-05:00

Whelp, I have now been diagnosed with Lupus Anticoagulation. Went into the hospital on Tuesday afternoon in an ambulance and am now on 10mg of Coumadin a day.

What LA is, is an auto-immune disorder. From what I understand, antibodies attack the proteins lining the blood vessels, causing clots. And I do mean CLOTS.

I had a CT and MRI scan done and they found multiple clots in the upper and lower lobes of my left lung and more clots all through my right lung. This is what has been causing my inability to breathe properly. I thought it was because of the anxiety attacks but it turns out it caused the attacks.

I'll be on coumadin for at least 6 months, possibly the rest of my life. LA may go into remission and come back again, we don't know. We do know it's not genetic, that it's acquired, they just haven't figured out how we acquire it.

Nudder one

2011-05-31T12:05:00.001-05:00

I think I'm keeping this one :)

Pendant

2011-05-30T19:19:00.002-05:00

Seeing as Blogger won't let me leave any comments, I'll post. Marilee, it's a vintage mold button....I only wish I could bead a pattern like that lol

New necklace

2011-05-30T10:12:00.002-05:00

I'm trying hard to make necklaces that aren't over $100 for my table in November, at the HESS Club. I've got more to show but I want to get the clasps on before I post them.

2011-05-29T08:54:00.002-05:00

Some new cabs

2011-05-23T10:20:00.002-05:00

My favorite is on the very left...

Zoya's work

2011-05-21T16:43:00.001-05:00

You guys just have to see her newest piece that is up for vote... Vote here if you love it as much as I do :)

better photo's

2011-05-21T10:52:00.001-05:00

Mermaid done

2011-05-15T21:05:00.002-05:00

But I can't seem to get a good picture of her :(

Taneal

2011-05-10T10:21:00.002-05:00

PMDD

2011-05-04T18:08:00.002-05:00

My therapist and psych both agree that I may have premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It would explain the extreme mood swings, irritability, extreme cravings, trouble sleeping, etc. So, the treatment is usually to adjust the medications when the pmdd kicks in and then go back to the regular regimen once my cycle is over.

I've also been put on trazadone. I remember taking it in the past (as in ten years ago) but I don't know how I'm going to react to it. I'm taking half a pill tonight and hopefully it'll knock me out for the night.

I'm tired. And I'm tired of the swings and rollercoasters and all the stuff that goes with it. My psych doc said not to focus on having bipolar for more than 5 minutes a day, but when the moods change like the wind.. oy.

Still working with glass and getting some inspiration for smaller pieces that can be used in bracelets. I'm also going to start experimenting with tack fusing. Going to look into getting a diamond drill bit to drill holes in the glass to make charms and such.

yawn

sleep

2011-05-02T07:24:00.002-05:00

or rather, lack of. I've had three hours sleep last night and four hours the night before. When I go to bed, I just keep moving around, trying to fall asleep.

If this keeps up, psychosis could be coming... so I'm giving it two more days and if I still can't sleep, then I'm calling the doc again.

bouncy bouncy

2011-05-01T18:22:00.003-05:00

Didn't fall asleep until after 5:20am and was up at 9:30am. Went out for breakfast, came home, had a short nap and called in to the meeting. Had another nap and guess what? I'm hypomanic again!

I feel like I could type a thousand words a minute and run for hours. This is not good when I've got to be in bed by around 10. I say 'got to' because I need to keep a regular schedule of my sleep patterns.

Oh, the pictures in my head when I'm irritable and manic. They're horrible. It's like my own Creepshow in my head... that's why I get to the point where I want to bash my head into the wall, just to get it to stop.

But, today I put up my pictures of butterflies in the living room and I'm pleased with the effect. I look at these pictures and just grin.

I feel like driving. Real fast. Like a race car driver. That's why I'm going to take a couple of xanax and slow my head down... I hope.

trying

2011-04-28T19:18:00.003-05:00

I was able to get in to the doctors a day earlier. We've upped my Prozac to 80mg and my Geodon down to 20mg every other day. Doc doesn't know why I keep reacting so hard to the Geodon and not reacting to the Prozac... she said usually Prozac throws patients into mania and it's not doing that to me, but the Geodon does. I'm taking the Geodon because of the paranoia I was feeling a few weeks ago.

Today has just been a weird day. I feel like someone's been messing around with the wiring in my brain. I was up at 1:30am, 3am, then again at 6:30am. I went back to bed at 7:30am and slept for another 3 hours, waking with a migraine. I feel doped up and I'm not sure why... but at least I don't feel like hurting anyone anymore.

bad day

2011-04-24T18:40:00.002-05:00

Since the Geodon has kicked in, my mood has gone down to the sewer. I'm not suicidal, but I feel like bashing my head in. I'm also trying to get off of Coke again, so it's not helping. My craving for caffiene is just so bloody intense that my brain is throwing another temper tantrum. I gave in to it last night and went to Sonic to get one. I've already had two xanax to try and calm the craving but it hasn't done the job. I don't even feel that 'calm' that usually comes over me when I take two. I'm allowed up to 4mg and have been avoiding that extra mg, but today might be one of those days that I need them to get me past the craving.

I see the doc in four days. I just have to wait four days.

Pendants

2011-04-20T18:43:00.002-05:00

I figured out how to make the pendants I want! I bought a roll of fiber (for the kiln) and cut pieces large enough for chain or anything else to go through them. Six more smaller ones in the kiln!

Before embellishment

2011-04-14T10:54:00.002-05:00

The VA

2011-04-14T10:53:00.000-05:00

We have just found out, that SEVEN years after filing me as my 100% disabled veteran husbands dependent, that the DAV and VA do not recognize me as his dependent. SEVEN years we've been married. I even have ChampVA. I was just entered into the VA's hospital system 2 weeks ago at the emergency center as my husbands dependent. Yet they won't give him or me the benefits befitting this status. They actually want us to refile AGAIN

Working on

2011-04-11T11:13:00.002-05:00

Using one of my cabs...

Doing better

2011-04-10T15:53:00.003-05:00

This afternoon has been the first time in about four days that I've felt any irritation at all (cat has been howling for treats). The Geodon has definitely triggered mania but for the most part, it's managable.

I've been having problems with caffiene cravings for months now and it seems to be just as bad as before. I'm thinking it's a part of OCD. The desire to eat has gone, so I'm having to remind myself to eat at the right times and eat the right food.

Last night wasn't going so great while we were out for supper. I ate my meal and got the kind of restlessness of where my legs just kept bouncing up and down and I had to keep moving my arms. I just wanted to get home and bead. It seems to be the only activity where I can actually focus this restlessness for good amounts of time. When I'm not beading, I'm doing thing around the house that need to be done which is a good thing because everything's been sliding for months.

Even though I'm eating better, I still have sweets in the house. I'm beginning to think it's more of a habit than a craving now. The desire for them isn't there, but I still eat them... that doesn't make sense unless what I'm doing is continuing a habit. I'm going to have to put a stop to it and work on eating properly again. I've gained all that weight back and the nice waistline I had is gone again. I want it back. So, it's back to vanilla yogurt and granola for when I do want something sweet.

I need to get off the soda again, too. Or work at allowing myself one a week. Maybe just on the days I go to Pearland to visit with friends. I need to work on my self control... when I can. When the mania takes over, if I don't give in, my brain does a tantrum and I'm out for the count with Xanax. I need to find some kind of balance of allowing myself some things only some of the time instead of every time my brain says 'I want'. My Xanax has been upped to 4mg and I don't want to be taking that much if I can avoid it. I'm working at staying at 2mg at night time for sleep and the Geodon helps, too.

Geodon again

2011-04-08T21:33:00.002-05:00

I saw the psychiatrist just before the therapist and we agreed for me to go back onto Geodon 40mg. We couldn't remember why I had stopped it before, but I found a post from a while back that I just couldn't stand the restlessness... I was at 120mg at the time.

Since starting the Geodon, I've been manic but it's been a very productive mania. I've been able to finish Mariah (still have to find a clasp before I make one for it) and spend almost a full day beading without only being able to sit for 10 minutes or so. I still get up and move about, but it's about every half hour.

I've decided that my husband is right and I'm going to have to choose what side effects I'm willing to live with instead of trying to find something that doesn't have any. All meds are going to have some kind of side effect and I need to accept that and work with it. The main side effect so far, as I said, is restlessness but it's more than bearable. I at least now get up and DO things that need to be done ie. laundry, cleaning craft room, etc.

The paranoia is still there, but now I feel somewhat euphoric with some aggressiveness. I noticed today that I was speeding a bit and had to force myself to slow it down... been in a good mood since yesturday with little to no irritation. The Geodon with 2 Xanax have been helping me sleep through the night and I'm getting up at a reasonable time, so I'm also happy with that.

My compulsion to be in bed at around 8pm has disappeared... I've been able to stay up longer and no naps! Just feel like I've got better things to do, I guess.

I still don't want anyone in my house. I still want people to leave me alone... that feeling of needing isolation is still there and I'm not going to fight it. If I start fighting it, I'll just end up in another tornado and I'm not in the mood to be in a bad mood lol

Boy, am I manic. I'm going to cut more glass tomorrow as my cabachons have been selling well at the local bead shop. I'm also making jewelry with my own dichroic cabs, so I'll have lots of new stuff in November for the Houston Bead Society Bead Bazaar. Made enough last month to buy more glass today! And I found out that I'm already close to $100 already this month for sales in cabs. I'm in heaven :)

What a switch in such a short period of time. I feel like I've had a brain transplant or something.

:(

2011-04-05T15:38:00.002-05:00

I don't think I can go a month without a mood stabilizer. I spoke with the doc yesterday and told her about the feeling of menace and she called it paranoia. It's getting worse. I told her I wanted to go a month without any other meds than the prozac, but with the way things are going, I don't think I can wait that long.

On Thursday I have a friend that comes and studies with me and I've been getting so worked up beforehand that I cancel because I panic. My house is my security zone and having people here basically 'threatens' me... I feel like such an idiot.

Logically, I KNOW I'm not in any danger. This is my friend. She cares about me. Yet I get so panicked from the idea of people being here in my house.

Fractured Love

2011-04-03T15:03:00.001-05:00

Saphris

2011-04-01T19:48:00.003-05:00

The meds came in and I spent the night at the hospital after taking one. These are the smallest dosage you can take and it put me in the hospital.

The psychiatrist warned me that there would be tingling around the mouth and down the throat and so I wasn't worried, just nauseated at the gross taste of the pill. Not 15 minutes later, I told my husband that I needed to go to bed. He said I was walking so badly that he thought he'd have to carry me. My speech was slurred. I laid down, thinking 'boy, this is going to be a real nights sleep' when the muscle spasms started. The impulse to jerk my limbs was just intense and I couldn't stop snapping my feet upwards, my arms jerked outward, my back seized up, etc. I wasn't scared or that, just wondered what was happening.

I got up and told Frank that I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop moving. One of the side effects is restlessness, but this was just insane. It was bad enough that Frank started to get upset and told me to get dressed and get in the truck because we were going to the hospital. We waited 4 1/2 hours for the psychiatrist on call to come in and by then it was mostly my left side that was doing the jerking and moving. An hour and a half later, it finally had calmed down enough for them to take blood and make sure there wasn't anything else that could be wrong.

I'm currently playing phone tag with the psychiatrist. I'm going to tell her that I want off of the antipsychotics for a little while, at least until the Abilify is out of my system. From what others have told me, all antipsychotics cause restlessness, so I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Well, it happened

2011-03-30T07:47:00.002-05:00

I knew something would happen and happen it did. Last night I flew into such a rage over nothing, that I threw the cat out of my room and locked my husband out. I didn't know why I was angry, I just knew that I couldn't have anything or anyone around me.

It just crept up on me. I was in a good mood earlier... nothing happened to change my mood, it just changed.

I sure hope the pharmacy gets my new meds in, soon. I'm off the Abilify now as it was causing me to start shivering for no reason, not to include the other side effects my husband didn't care for.

Today seems to be the same kind of day. I am so not looking forward to this.

Sensational Bead Embroidery

2011-03-28T19:44:00.001-05:00

by Sherry Serafini is a definite must have. I've been bead embroidering for close to 11 years now and I still got a lot out of it, besides the fantastic photo's and gallery :)

sssshhhhh....

2011-03-28T10:27:00.003-05:00

My mind has been quiet for the past two days now... for the first time in weeks, I can think coherently and I haven't hit by any tornadoes, so I'm enjoying it for what its worth. I don't know what the triggers are anymore, so I don't know what to avoid.

Quiet... sweet blissfull quiet.

Word Cyclones

2011-03-24T17:03:00.002-05:00

These are what have been going through my head lately. Not sentences or coherent thought... just words revolving in my head at such speeds that I can't always see through them.

This is why I can't stand being in a quiet room. I have to have a tv or radio on. I don't like being left to my own thoughts because of it.

My therapists suggestion was to write it all down, which I'm going to do.

More vroom vroom

2011-03-21T12:53:00.002-05:00

Remember these? Well, I redid them on the grinder and look how gorgeous they turned out! I'm still super manic, but at least something's turning out right!

Madness

2011-03-19T18:15:00.002-05:00

I have just suddenly gone manic. It wasn't a slow decent, it was full throttle.

Last night I was thinking that there's just not enough time in a day, even though I take naps and such. If I feel that way, how can I nap?? and yet, day after day...

I want to bead but I don't know if I can.

Mariah 2

2011-03-16T17:48:00.002-05:00

Not sure how I'm going to finish it... got the backing on and the edging done. Don't think it needs fringe... there's just enough going on in it.

Sasha

2011-03-14T18:52:00.001-05:00

Had to use my own cabs to show how they can be used.... I love it :)

Figuring it out

2011-03-14T05:09:00.002-05:00

I think I just stumbled upon how to 'ride the wave'. I forgot to break down my day when I need to. A lot of people feel better telling themselves that 'tomorrow will be better' and at times, that works for me. But most of the time, I have to remind myself to breathe and remember that this is going to pass and I may feel better within the next hour/half hour. Sometimes I have to take it minute by minute.

Everyone, even those without the bipolar disease, have times when they're overwhelmed or grieved over something. I'm realizing now that 'riding the wave' is something everyone needs to do, at some point or even many points of their lives.

It gets easy to forget that I'm not alone. I feel very selfish right now, being so wrapped up in my own thoughts and emotions that I'm not paying very good attention to those around me.

Ride the wave

2011-03-10T17:59:00.002-06:00

Just how does one do that?? Saw my psychology doc yesterday and she read to me from a book that when I can see the signs of a 'wave' coming, I need to just go with it. I never did think of asking how to do that when my brain is just bouncing around within the small cavity of my skull.

I want to drive. That's what I want to do right now. I want to bunny hop across the kitchen and let my husband think what he wants. I want to cry. I want to break into song 'What a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' but I don't know all the words. I want to rip my nails down my cheeks. I want to put on some heavy music and just let loose. I want to take a couple of Xanax and go to bed while watching Shrek.

Shrek, here I come.

Grinder go vroom vroom!

2011-03-10T09:30:00.002-06:00

Realized I could make some fans out of some of the cabs, as well as ovals.

Got a grinder!

2011-03-09T14:21:00.003-06:00

Why can't a camera catch the beauty of dichro? Is that so much to ask for? These cabs are one and a half by three quarters of an inch and just are so gorgeous. I almost don't want to let them go *sigh*

My cabs are currently at Antiques, Beads, & Crafty People for a trunk show and when I get them back, I'm going to make ovals out of some of the squares I've got (tons) and long ovals out of some of my 'fractured glass' pendants (85 of 'em) Just think... a skull cab in an oval cab... so cool to bead around!

Today

2011-03-06T09:57:00.002-06:00

I can already tell it's not going to be a good day. I feel like it's not going to take much to anger me, so I'm going to avoid anything that might make that tightrope snap.

I think I'm going to take a nap... even though I just got up LOL

More blessings

2011-03-01T09:08:00.003-06:00

I'm starting to have more friends, off-line! and these friends also suffer from bipolar, so they know exactly what I'm going through when I'm having my ups and down days.

I know it was suggested to me that I try group therapy, but this is so much better! These people are of the same faith as me, so I don't have to worry about talking about what I believe in and how it helps me cope.

I really, truly, feel like I've found my place in life. Even though I've just gone through a bad cycle, I feel happy in my core. My head may spin, but my heart is just bursting.

Rapid Cycling

2011-02-28T11:03:00.002-06:00

Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I've been diagnosed with rapid cycling. Waking up angry, then in tears for the afternoon while I silently go nuts at night. I've been trying to get beading done, but white.... sigh. I'm still working with cabs, but there's only so many times that a person wants to see the same things over and over again ;) For some reason, the anger is directed towards my husband and I've warned him about it, so he's giving me my space. I don't know why I'm angry with him, I just know it's directed at him and I do not want to let loose on him. I think my anger chose him because he's closest to me and is here to listen. Listening isn't what I want when I'm holding the massager like a club lol

I have scratches on the lenses of my eyes for the past 3 weeks, so it's been somewhat difficult to see. I go back to the doc tomorrow to get them checked again. The idiot that I can be, used my contacts for a full month.... because they're the same ones I used last year. Problem is, they've been changed to only be used for 2 weeks, so I did some damage to the lenses of my eyes.

I got a bunch of glass dobs in the kiln right now and I'm making cabs in smaller sizes in white, without the fractured look. As much as I just love doing the fractured look, it gets old and when you get so many side by side, how do you choose which fits you best? So, I'm using plain glasses and seeing what kind of reaction I get from them.

Still alive

2011-02-21T19:09:00.001-06:00

Just caught up in a manic tornado right noght and not in a good head space. Still doing glass and trying to tame down the colors a bit. :)

New skulls

2011-01-16T10:55:00.001-06:00

wip Mariah

2011-01-12T17:19:00.003-06:00

That's the name that's come to mind, so that's what it'll be called :) I have ivy colored ultrasuede ordered, but its backordered so who knows how long that'll be. It'll give me some time to work on a bridal piece next.

Something different

2011-01-11T22:04:00.003-06:00

I wanted to try a layered look with some decal.... not sure if I'm liking it or not, but hubby likes it :)

wip4 and blue cabs

2011-01-09T18:22:00.002-06:00

I had to try some 'Egyptian Blue' as a base for some cabs, so I bought a dozen of the inch by inch pieces to try out. I think they turned out quite pretty and I'm going to be trying red once it warms up in the garage again.

The necklace is coming along. Need to order some leather or ultrasuede for the back.... either a terracotta color or a dark green.

wip3

2011-01-04T21:25:00.002-06:00

wip2

2011-01-01T18:41:00.003-06:00

040 and 041

2011-01-01T07:17:00.003-06:00

I'm going to be using one of the large focals in a necklace at some point. I just love how they turned out. As for the two smaller ones, they both have dragonflies on them, they just aren't visible on the left one *sigh*

039

2010-12-31T06:00:00.003-06:00

These are ones that fused together or had something wrong with them, so I got a chance to try out the grinding of them and then firepolishing them and I can't believe how nice they turned out!

What I'm trying to work on, now

2010-12-30T14:05:00.001-06:00

More glass

2010-12-30T08:48:00.002-06:00

Just simple stuff today :) I say simple because it's just a layer of dichro over black instead of the fractured look, but to be honest, doing circles is more difficult than the squares and rectangles.

New squares

2010-12-29T04:56:00.005-06:00

I love how all of these turned out, especially the blue/green ones. They have a 'crackle' appearance that makes me think of Van Gogh's 'Starry Night'.

New stuff on the site

2010-12-28T05:16:00.002-06:00

Between trying to heal a sprained ankle and c-c-cold conditions, I've got some glass done :)

Redo's

2010-12-25T20:08:00.003-06:00

I don't like the way the glass pulled away from my first 8 pieces, so they are all going into the 'figure out something to do with' box. These are the first ones with 3mm clear glass and I cut the glass a little wider so that the edges are finished smoothly.

See? Not everything works out at first... sometimes it takes a lot of practice and a lot of 'oh craps' before something happens right ;)

Focals or brooches

2010-12-21T04:29:00.003-06:00

Not quite sure which, yet.

Heads

2010-12-19T06:28:00.002-06:00

I've got 3 of each available :)

Too hilarious

2010-12-18T07:14:00.001-06:00

My brother sent me this http://www.wimp.com/animalvoiceovers/

Yay! More cabs!

2010-12-18T06:34:00.004-06:00

The pic of 6 are 1.5 x 1.5 inch and are number 025. The rest of the cabs are 1x1 inch and are from 027 to 030 on my site.

Most cabs are up

2010-12-13T21:26:00.000-06:00

Still have to put white cabs up, but I've got the black ones up so far.

http://www.vampsart.com/cabs.htm

ankle

2010-12-11T15:34:00.001-06:00

just sprained my left ankle. won't be doing glass for a bit :(

1.5 x 1.5

2010-12-11T10:56:00.001-06:00

Trying a new size... these are a great size for focals.

New cabs

2010-12-09T13:23:00.003-06:00

The red hearts cab didn't turn out as nice as I wanted... I figure the decal was pulled with the glass while it was fired, skewing the left portion.

btw, all of these rectangular cabs are $15 each... if there's one you're interested in, please email me with the blog page/picture and let me know :)

Cabs available

2010-12-07T19:54:00.001-06:00

I've got one page up of cabs... http://www.vampsart.com/cabs.htm

Jet

2010-12-07T15:48:00.003-06:00

This is what I finished last night... all the dichro glass cabs are mine and I can't remember who made the bead..... :)

dragonfly, skulls, and buttflies...

2010-12-06T18:30:00.001-06:00

The kiln is taking a break tomorrow.

Trying something new

2010-12-05T06:15:00.002-06:00

I'm going to start adding butterflies, dragonflies and skulls to my 'fracture' dichro... I was getting bored with what I was doing and this popped into my head, so I'm gonna go with it!

Obsessed

2010-12-02T18:38:00.002-06:00

I really am, with glass. I've got idea's for tomorrow and still have glass in the kiln. I can't stop looking at what I've got so far :) I've already sold a few pieces, sets of eyes, etc and I still can't stop looking at them :)

One inch squares

2010-11-30T08:38:00.003-06:00

I can't believe how much more difficult these were to make than the pendants...

Sets

2010-11-29T10:41:00.001-06:00

I finally did the earrings to match the pendants...

More white

2010-11-28T13:15:00.002-06:00

The first batch were made with an opalescent backing and these are with an opaque backing.

White

2010-11-27T14:28:00.003-06:00

I tried a picture against white, but you just lost the cabs. I like them, but nothing like the color on black! I've got 7 more white ones in the kiln.

Still working on a new necklace... am hoping to finish it next week :)

More pendants 2

2010-11-25T05:09:00.003-06:00

Just ignore the tripod leg on the bottom lol and the cab in the upper left is a no-go as I didn't realize there was writing on the clear and it fired in, so I'm going to use it in a piece and use beads to cover the section.

I've decided not to put bails on any of the pieces until it's expressly ordered. I know that myself, I'd prefer to bead around them and I think there's others out there that would prefer the same, so bails are available for the asking.